Back to School for GrownUps

So … have y’all noticed the list of Back to Schoolers over there in my BlogRoll?

So far, I’ve got

• 10 Years Later
• keyster94: 30 Something & Searching
• Mountain Woman: Red Pine Mountain
• Ring Leader World
• Shyronn: Finances at Forty
• Wonderment.ca: Writings of a Philosophy Student
• Working Wifey

Who are we missing? If you are a mature, nontraditional, returning, adult, whatever-you-want-to-call-it student, please do drop me a comment and let me know so that I can add you to the blogroll.

And why not, while you are at it, tell us what you’re taking, what you hope to be when you grow up, and anything else you’d like to tell us about your back to school adventure(s)?

Enquiring minds want to know

According to an article in yesterday’s Toronto Star written by Trish Crawford, the more education single mothers have, the more likely they are to spend quality time with their children.

Higher education = less time at work required to make decent income = more time for children.

The research was conducted at the University of Maryland, and involved studying the time diaries of more than 6,000 mothers. It was published in the December Journal of Marriage and the Family

Trying to do the school thing while you are a single mom is not easy. Been there, done that. My kids were old enough that they didn’t need the mommy all of the time… I can’t imagine how I would have managed it when they were little - but I do know quite a few who have manged it.

Would love to hear what you think… or, if you’re a single mom that’s doing the back to school thing, how you’re finding it.

Getting through college or university is not just about learning the academic ~stuff~

There is a whole lot more to it…. in part, it is about being resourceful, and proving your ability to face challenges and find solutions.

I have definitely been reminded of that this week. Continuing in my program and perservering without a licence and with the physical limitations I have right now is going to be a real trick.

But I’ve managed to get through every other time, and with hubby’s help, will get through this too. Might take a bit longer, is all.

For now, all I can do is keep plugging away at things. Got 3 more days of classes to get through, and 3 more papers, 1 exam, & the musical to finish.

I think I can, I think I can….

a little bit at a time.

Well, I figured I had quite enough challenges already with this whole graduate school thing.

Apparently not. One of my profs tells us that “It is supposed to be hard”…but I don’t think it is supposed to be quite THIS hard.

If you’ve read much of this blog you’ll know that I commute to school. The university I attend is 2.5 hours away.

Yesterday I didn’t make it. Had a car accident about 15 minutes before - now I have 2 papers and a musical to write, a paper to finish and an exam to do for my online psychology course AND I have a broken wrist and a sprained wrist, plus soft tissue injuries to my back and chest.

Oh yeah - and because I fainted while driving, apparently, I lose my drivers license.

I live in a small town with NO bus service. NONE, ZILCH, NADA. And I go to school 2.5 hours away, and teach at another one that is 45 minutes away.

If I manage to get through this back to school thing, anyone can.

Well…I have stuff in the week after that too, if you want to get technical - I’m teaching a workshop for profs in the use of Webspiration on the 11th, and my students’ midterm exam is on the 13th. I don’t have to proctor it - but I do have to show up at least to give back their essays and pick up the exams for marking. But classes officially end on the 7th or thereabouts, and I am choosing to focus on that date.

By then I will have finished my psychology paper and exam (that’s on Thursday) - and I will need to also have finished a paper for public texts and another for fiction/nonfiction. And that’s it.

Two weeks from now, I will have survived my first semester of grad school - and will only be two away from a Masters - and the second of those, the summer semester, hardly counts … it’s all about writing my Major Research Paper - I can DO that. And mostly, I will be able to DO that at HOME which is where I would much rather be.

It is the staying-at-the-motel thing that is most wearing me down, I think. I don’t WANT to be away from my hubby and my dog so much of the time.

It’s working relatively well. But I DON’T LIKE IT - and I will be very glad when I get to the end of it.

Oy! Where has the semester gone? There are only two weeks left and I still have SO much to do!

What about the rest of you back to schoolers?

Are you swamped? Stressed? Overwhelmed?

I am!

One step closer to done though - am finished my short paper for my fiction/nonfiction class, more or less. I will tweak it tomorrow - try to work one more purple people into my conclusion …but for now it is done and it is just gonna have to do.

Sometimes the hardest part is knowing when something is done!

Not in this case though … so much left to work on - and my neck is SO tense… it is done. For now.

Will work on my psychology paper tomorrow … for tonight I am going to go watch CSI with hubby, find food, and possibly come up with another set up lyrics for my musical.

And drop some more Entrecards, I guess…even though I am more than perturbed with them right now! They had some sort of technical problems today - and I ended up being rolled back to before I was almost done dropping. 63 drops my butt! *sigh* Oh well…I’m sure they didn’t do it on purpose.

I am to write a short paper for my fiction/nonfiction course. It is due Monday, and can be about pretty much anything I discussed during either/both of the two seminars I gave in that class.

Do you think I can narrow myself down to a nice, clean topic?

Of course not. I have been through way too many. Got reams and reams of notes - but just not happy with anything.

Have had that problem a lot lately, I think - the never being satisfied with my own work complaint.

I need to disable the delete key on my keyboard so that I actually manage to make some PROGRESS!

Did I mention it is due on Monday?

And I’m out of time on the psychology paper, as well. My exam is Thursday and paper has to be submitted before I can write it. And I need to study some, too. Details, details.

I am, I think, my own worse critic.

I need to get over it. Now!

Too darn much to accomplish over the next 2 weeks to be spinning my wheels for so long. FORWARD HO!

So…I was a good girl and showed up for the Graduate Scholarships Recipients Reception like hubby said I should.

It wasn’t so bad, actually. Only one other student from my program; there are others that got scholarships, but they weren’t there.

They gave us all a very nice pen with the university logo on it…and they fed us.

The food was the highlight, of course …we are students, after all

They had a very nice assortment though: chicken, shrimp, bacon wrapped scallops, whatever you call those phyllo pastry things with spinach in them, fruit trays, lots of cheeses, etc, etc

There was a cash bar, but since I didn’t happen to have any o’ that, I didn’t go there

Ross offered me money but I told him I was fine; just have to get to a bank machine. Bank machines work better if you remember to bring the actual card though, I have discovered. Oops!

Jus’ practicing for when I get a little further along in my studies and get to be an absent minded professor Honest!

No idea where my bank card is - at home on my desk is the usual location when I’m missing things… but it doesn’t matter… will do the credit card thing. Or, if I get energetic enough, stop into an actual bank and get some cash out. Or not.

It really doesn’t much matter - I have enough twoonies to get my coffee tomorrow and Wednesday - what else does one need?

I didn’t stay all that long; chatted with a few people, ate, listened to the very few & very brief speeches, then went across to ‘our’ building and read the papers for tomorrow’s class. Still have 2 chapters in textbooks to wade through, but will get those done before class.

For now, though, I’m exhausted and heading off to bed. That drive in the morning is SO much longer now that there is snow! Not so much here though … might not even have to scrape the car tomorrow. I can always hope!

This evening I am off to a reception for graduate student scholarship recipients.

This is not one o’ those events that I am naturally inclined to attend. I am just not that social.

And honestly, I really have not made many connections among my fellow students here - not in my own program, nor in any of the others. So it is not like I will have anyone to be social with.

Acquaintances. Barely.

So - I would prefer not to go - but this is one of those events that Ross insists matters.

If it weren’t for him, I likely would not have bothered with either of my last two convocation ceremonies either.

I am so boring. And antisocial.

But I am going, honest.

See me leaving? Enthusiasm 101 - now there is a course I could do with.

I’ll be glad when it is over.

Way too much of it in my part of Ontario this weekend.

I am SO not happy about it.

Not only will it make the commuting 2.5 hours to school twice a week just SO much more fun, when I am there and staying at the motel, I will have to actually clear the snow from my car windows before I will be able to go anywhere.

That bites.

I am spoiled here. We have a garage, and even though we have two vehicles and I suppose hubby might like to park his in the garage once in a while, he never does. He leaves it for me.

And he makes sure that the driveway is cleared for me last thing before he goes to bed too - and if it needs doing again before I can leave, he’ll get up and do that for me too. Yes, I am very spoiled.

Now would be a very good time for him to start coming to Peterborough with me every time, don’t you think?

It’s actually working quite well, me going and not him - although we miss each other, he gets stuff done, we don’t have to make arrangements for the mutt, and I can focus on working on homework without upsetting him by ‘ignoring’ him - or worrying that I am upsetting him by ignoring him … or whatever…

But dammit!!! Who’s going to clear the snow off my car?!

I - again - did not accomplish anywhere near enough work today.

I did try … been working on the seminar I’m giving on Monday, and the (short) paper I need to do for the same class. Just too darn slow!

Did manage to do a lot of THINKING work - but when it comes to actually getting the writing done, not so much.

Hopefully, tomorrow it will all come together quickly and easily - I was hoping to also get a bunch of the psychology paper done today…and that did not happen

I did, however, make some progress on the musical - mostly because my oh-so-brilliant husband came up with a perfect name for the ship on which the play is set.

It is called Prometheus - and if you want to know more about how/why, feel free to drop by the webpage

That webpage is to be not only my submission for my Textual Transmissions course, it will also count towards my Public Texts course…. with a paper about how/why publishing on the web is different from publishing a book or other paper document.

Lots to talk about there - it is much easier to include music in a webpage, for example And for it to be interactive. Am working on getting a forum attached to it - am hoping that some of you will find the time to stop by and ~interact~ some there, once it is up and running.

One of the tasks we are, in my program, often called upon to do is to lead seminars.

In undergraduate, these were termed presentations, and I was very good at them if I do say so myself I often included an interactive component - a game, or a craft, or some such thing.

Now in graduate school, they are called seminars - and generally, at least so far, have been limited to presenting information and generating discussion. Actually, a lot of them have done a whole lot more of the former and less of the latter.

I find them B O R I N G… the ones I have given so far just as much as the many others that I’ve attended.

Occasionally, the discussions work, and those ones are not so boring. But overall… ho hum.

SO

this Monday, it is my turn again.

I am to lead a seminar about issues of fiction/nonfiction in My Life As A Fake.

My Life As a Fake is based on actual events: the Ern Malley affair. I have found an article that deals with possible individuals …so that is what I am focussing on.

I am also thinking that I might just push the limits of ’seminar’ a bit and see if I can’t come up with some sort of activity to spice things up a bit.

Or should I go with the flow and leave well enough alone? (and B O R I N G)

What do you think?

….and oh, I needed it!

came home early this week because of needing to go to my grandma Mary’s funeral. Home last night and tonight - tomorrow I will go back and stay over… got a colloquium (about copyright and censorship) and then Friday morning, I have a TA meeting.

Have to take my kids back fairly early, so should have a few hours to work on my paper/seminar for next week. Would be GREAT if I could get it DONE tomorrow, then have the weekend to focus on finishing up the psychology paper, and studying for that exam.

That’s the plan, anyway

Things rarely go according to plan, of course. But still, it is nice to have one.

And it is SO nice to have a bit less on my plate.

Suddenly, I am able to retain what I am reading again. And use it, even. I feel as though I am MUCH better able to contribute in class discussions, and that the quality of work I am producing is MUCH better.

I MIGHT make it through this semester yet.

For those of you who are also doing the Back to School thing… why not drop a comment and let us know how your semester is shaping up at this point?

The toilet in this stOOpid motel room keeps running.

I’ve gotten up 3x to jiggle the damn handle, but apparently I am not SUPPOSED to get any sleep tonight.

It is making me cranky as all get out.

I HATE being here.

I HATE that I am here and not at home with my hubby and my dog where I belong.

When I talked to Ross earlier, he sounded down. He said he wasn’t - but I bluddy well know better.

Today, he gave notice on the beer return and the phone and the insurance and all that fun stuff at our store. We’re closing - and it has been a huge part of his life for the last 15 years or so and making all those phone calls made the whole closing thing real and I could hear it in his voice and I am NOT THERE.

Not that I could fix it - but still…

I WANT TO GO HOME!!!! And stay there.

I want to curl up against Ross and kick the darn dumb dog until he moves enough that I can get enough covers to cover me.

Short week this week - I get to go home tomorrow…but that is NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Especially since I have to come back again. Maybe I won’t. The world won’t fall apart if I miss a colloquium and a TA meeting. Will it?

I want my degree, damnit! But the cost feels awfully high right about now.

Tonight, I’m thinking that maybe an MA will be enough. I just can’t imagine 3 more years - or more - spent on this school thing. I really can’t.

It takes SO much time and energy, and leaves so little for him, and for the grandbabies and for ME…

I want to teach at the university level. I love school - most of the time. I want the Phd.

But damnit, I WANT TO GO HOME.

Ever tried Inspiration software?

Not everyone likes mindmapping - but for those of us who benefit from it, Inspiration is a great program. It lets you put all of your ideas about a topic - or topics - on one screen, and manipulate and notate it as required.

You can use colours, or pictures to pretty it up.

When I am having trouble deciding on a topic, or organizing my thoughts for an essay, I often play in Inspiration for a bit. Sometimes, I will end up mapping the same topic over and over before it gels in my head.

Inspiration is particularly useful for people who have learning disabilities - but it helps me a whole bunch, as well.

With one click of a button, you can switch from mapping view to outline view - and the outline can be exported to MS Word or whatever… very cool!

You can download a free trial from the website - although, if you are using Vista, you have to install it a bit differently to get it to work.

For Vista, once you’ve downloaded the file, right click on it and choose Properties. On the compatibility tab, tick the box to Run This Program in Compatibility Mode (Windows XP w/ Service Pack II). Then doubleclick on the file to install it.

Now they also have a new program available online in Beta. Called Webspiration, it is like Inspiration except for the fact that it is online and collaborative. You can give access to your mindmaps to anyone you like …in my case, it’s great, as I can work with my seminar students and we can map the novels we are working on. And, of course, for as long as the Beta trial lasts, it lets them use Inspiration for free.

I will be interested to see what they do with it once it’s out of beta - hoping that won’t happen anytime soon! And certainly not before I am scheduled to give a workshop in how to use it!

I have spent the last half an hour or so printing off materials I need for this week’s class. ONE class - well over 100 pages!

Fortunately, there are ways to cut costs down - once you know to go look, anyway.

Most printers are set, by default, to print good quality, and on only one side of the page.

But that doesn’t mean you have to go with those. Draft quality printing is fine for most purposes - I use it for almost all of my printing. It is a bit lighter - but legible. And it uses a lot less ink!

I also try to remember to go in and change the print settings to print two-sided.

Both the print quality and two-sided printing are available in the print properties of most printers. It is well worth the time to go exploring - your ink and your paper will last a lot longer!

Reading on a computer screen is too difficult - but at least with a bit of playing with properties, I can reduce the environmental impact of my studies.

As it turns out, I am even more glad that I decided to drop that one course… as if I didn’t have enough on my plate already, this week’s To Do list now also includes a funeral on Wednesday.

My grandmother - Dad’s mom - died yesterday at her nursing home in London ON. She has been quite ill for a number of years, so it was not unexpected.

I will go to my classes on Monday and Tuesday, then pick my kids up in Oshawa after they get off work, bring them back here and then we’ll go to London from here on Wednesday morning. Have not yet figured out the rest of it, i.e. how/when I will get them back to Oshawa - but I’m assuming that the younger one, at least, if not both, will need to be back in time to work Thursday morning.

I have a colloquium Thursday night, and a TA meeting Friday morning so will likely just stay over once I get there.

It is going to be a very busy week - I’m SO glad I don’t have to worry about that course on top of it.

Must keep in mind that a sensible person includes room for ~other stuff~ when scheduling

I dropped the course

Stopped at the grad students office with the paperwork after my meeting this morning and it’s all done and I am SO relieved. Yesterday, I actually enjoyed doing my homework … I was working on a website about the Art of the Book show that Ross & I went to during Reading Week… I have been so stressed that I have been convinced everything that I was working on was absolute garbage - kept starting, throwing it out and basically working myself up into a fine lather. But yesterday I was able to just get it done. I have a few minor bits left to finish up and then I will post a link to it in case anyone is interested

Had a colloquium last night - it was WAY more interesting than I expected. Our colloquiums involve guest speakers about a variety of topics related to public texts. This week’s was Mary Polito from the University of Calgary. The topic of her presentation was the Osborne Project, which is looking at a ‘country comedy’ play Folio that was found among the archives at U of Calgary.

While the author is not known, there has been an earlier ‘foul papers’ version of the work found. Polito told us about the process of working with the text to date it (early 17th Century) and about the future research that is yet to be done. Even though I am not all that fond of ancientLit, it sounded like fascinating work, and I very much enjoyed learning about it.

I think that I shall enjoy a whole lot more of the remainder of my semester than I otherwise would have

Everything seems SO much more positive - even though I am sick as a dog today.

Fainting while driving is bad. I do NOT recommend it. Fortunately I made it home safely - but it took hours longer than it should have because I kept having to pull of the road.

So - the drop date for courses is November 7.

I have a signed Add/Drop form in my purse.

I don’t want to drop the course - it would be Law & Moral Regulation in Neo-Liberal Society that would go (just because the work load for that one is HUGE - and it is not in the English department, and since I’m an English student…)

I like the course - it is interesting, and I can relate it to my research stuff (adolescents in group homes and residential treatment centres coming into pretty regular contact with the so called ~justice system~). And the point of front loading this semester - i.e. taking 3 electives now and only 1 next semester was/is valid: next semester I am teaching 3 classes in Barrie - which is about 40 minutes from where I live, and 2.5 hours from the University I attend. If I drop a course I will have to pick up another one next semester, which will only prolong the too-much-on-my-plate agony.

On the other hand, I have been really frustrated the last 2 weekends at home. Hubby is, on the whole, very supportive of my BTS aspirations… I would likely never have even started university courses, never mind gone so far with it, if it weren’t for him.

But now that he is not working, he’s pretty darn bored. So when I get home he wants to talk. And do stuff. And spend time together. And talk. And do stuff. And… well, you get the idea.

Between that, and phone calls, and friends dropping by and falling down going boom several times a day and…

I didn’t get much done. Not nearly as much as I needed to get done.

And I’m worried that I won’t be able to not only DO everything that needs doing in the time remaining - but also do well… I am not used to failing. I haven’t yet had the experience … and while I’m sure it would be a growth experience, it is NOT ONE I WANT! Definitely not on my transcript, also.

So - I’m tempted to drop … and mental health wise, that would probably be a logical choice. But I have not yet reached a decision. I should. But but but but!

I don’t know what to do *whine*

but I will figure it out.

I did email the L&M prof asking for feedback … part of my frustration is that I have NO FRICKEN IDEA how I’m doing in that course. Every week we write a 3 page paper. But we don’t get them back. No news is good news? Maybe? I dunno … but it freaks me out and is contributing to my stress. If she would give even one marked one back I would feel more confident about the major paper that is worth a huge chunk of the final mark. Even if she hated it - at least I would know what she is looking for.

Did submit the paper I was stressing about last night - and presented it today. No idea how I did on it.

It was so much easier in undergrad. When I was talking to Ross tonight on the phone, he said “of course you can do this; you’re a star” It’s easy to be a star in undergrad. Not the same in graduate school. Not at all.

I need a time out to WHINE, POUT AND STAMP MY FEET!!!

oh yeah…and CRY too.

I have a paper that needs to be posted online.

Today.

An hour ago would be good.

7 minutes from now would also do.

I need to quit messing with it and just post it.

BUT IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I CAN’T BLUDDY DO THIS.

I SUCK!

I HATE EVERYTHING I WRITE THE DAY I WRITE IT AND BECAUSE I DIDN’T GET IT DONE YESTERDAY WHEN I BLUDDY WELL KNEW I NEEDED TO

I CAN’T DO IT!!!!!!

Did I mention I suck?

Yes, I have an excellent average and won 3 scholarships and and and…

I CAN’T DO IT.

HONEST, I can’t.

Okay. I’m done now.

*whimper*

Back to try again.