Back to School for GrownUps

No - not that Congress!

I have signed up to go to Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences , which is being held from 23 - 31 May 2009 at Carleton University in Ottawa . 

I’m not going for the entire thing - that would be too darn long, and besides, it would give hubby even more fits than he is already having about it. 

The issue, for him, of course, is not really about my going… it is about my going by myself. He is a tad uncomfortable with my being unsupervised given that one of my more nontraditional features is an alarming tendency to FDGB* wherever I happen to be. Since my car accident in November, he has been chauffeuring me everywhere and has become quite accustomed to babysitting me… now he seems to be having a bit of trouble letting go again - not helped by the fact that the incidence of FDGB episodes - and the severity - has admittedly increased somewhat of late.

He wants to go with me - there, and to my 2 weeks of summer school at Trent in June, as well. But he has to work and he can’t - and besides, honestly, I am starting to feel more than a ~tad~ constricted and I am rather looking forward to being a big girl and going places by myself again. It is great that he cares - but I SO miss having the freedom to just go be where I want to be and NOT TALK/SOCIALIZE all the damn time. 

Anyway, I signed up and booked myself a residence room from May 23 - 27. That puts me there for some sessions that looked particularly relevant and interesting on the Sunday, and 3 days of having to choose between career corner workshops in all kinds of things that sound great, Congress speakers and sessions , and the  Association for Research in Cultures of Young People Joint Sessions at ACCUTE that are taking place on the 26th, one of which my thesis advisor is chairing. 

I see the specialist about the FDGB thing next week - hopefully she will have some help to offer, although I honestly am not expecting a quick or easy solution - but even so, I am hoping that once we’re on the road to diagnosis/treatment it won’t seem like such a big scary thing…. for hubby, especially! 

Anyway, I paid my money and I am going - and I am very much looking forward to it. There are SO many sessions that interest me, and it is a great opportunity to get to know Carleton a bit, as well, which is a plus, since the Phd program I am entering in September is a joint program and Carleton is the other university. And if I make a fool of myself by doing the FDGB thing, well then…will just have to deal with it, won’t I? It won’t be the first time!  

* FDGB  = fall down go boom 

Today was the last class of my MA core course in Public Texts… tonight is the last meeting of the research group…and tomorrow will be also full of endings - Canadian lit and my ENGL1000 seminars.

And as much as I have been looking forward to getting to the end of it all, I am a bit sad too. 

I hate endings. 

Of course, none of them are really quite done yet… while we won’t be meeting anymore, I have essays to mark for my seminars - and then there will be their exams on the 24th of April. And I still have two position papers and an essay to do for Viral Contagion, a long paper for CanLit, and one for Public Texts, and a proposal re: my major research paper …. 

and then once THAT stuff is all done, I’ll still have the major research paper to actually write…. 

so even though it is an ending…. there’s still quite a ways to go before I’ll have done everything I need to do to get my Masters….. 

Definitely into the home stretch though! 

Yikes!

Been reading some of the posts in the grad cafe forums …. just can’t get over how many people have received nothing but rejections (or unfunded spots, which isn’t much better). 

That has got to hurt. 

Every single application represents a huge investment …. not only do we wannabe grad students pay for the privilege of applying - and for multiple copies of test scores +/ transcripts to be sent - each one also involves a great deal of time & energy. 

Statements of purpose, resumes/CVs, and especially rounding up letters or recommendation from profs all take time to write, edit, get…. 

All so much fun - but when it works it all feels worthwhile. When it doesn’t, though….  

This year has been particularly difficult. The economy has impacted on a great many programs, and there have been a lot of cuts to both the number of positions and to the funding offered….which means there are even more disappointed people.

*sad*

So …what are public texts?

Michael Warner, author of Publics and Counterpublics , describes 3 “senses” of the word “public”. 

First, we have the public: a kind of social totality, or “the people in general”. this sort of public is thought to include everyone within the field in question - whether that be nation, commonwealth, city, state or some other community. (65)

Second, Warner talks about a public: “a concrete audience, a crowd witnessing itself in visible space, as with a theatrical public.”  A public, in this sense of the word, is bounded by an event or shared space, and “knows itself by knowing where and when it is assembled in common visibility and common action” (66)

It is the third sort of Warner’s senses of publics that we English MA geeks are most concerned with, of course - “the kind of public that comes into being only in relation to texts and their circulation” (66). 

Warner  discusses at length the sort of publics - both the public and a public - that exist around texts. Some key features - and the 7 points he uses as headings for sections in writing about textual publics: 

1. A public is self-organized (and circular - texts create publics and publics create texts and in some cases there is no answer to which comes first) 
2. A public is a relation among strangers
3. The address of public speech is both personal and impersonal
   
4. A public is constituted through mere attention
5. A public is the social space created by the reflexive circulation of discourse
6. Public act historically according to the temporality of their circulation
7. A public is poetic world making  (i.e. there is a performative dimension to it)

Is a blog, then, a public text? Always, or only sometimes or some blogs? Does Wikipedia have publics? What about YouTube videos? 

Me, I think there are a whole lot of publics - and public texts - on the Internet, just as there are anywhere else that texts are produced, performed, discussed, interacted with….  and I am far more interested in how the Internet impacts on the creation of publics - and on how that is likely to impact on society, publics, texts…..  than I am in studying historical “public texts.”  But that’s just me - always looking to steer clear of ancientLit

So ….regular readers of this blog will know that I am currently completing a Master’s degree in English, Public Texts .

But what does that actually mean? 

According to the program website : 

In the Public Texts M.A. program at Trent University, we explore what it means to “go public” – to “publish” – and how that act resonates in the political, economic, and aesthetic spheres. Our students will develop new ways of looking at the production of texts, their circulation, and the relationship between texts and their publics, exploring issues which are emerging as central to literary research in the twenty-first century.

Well, yeah…we did that, I guess… but honestly,  I feel as though we’ve barely scratched the surface in many ways….and I’m frustrated - and a tad embarassed - to say that I am not sure that I could clearly articulate a definition of the phrase “public texts” at this point.

Or maybe that isn’t it…. I think that I know what I think public texts are.. just not so sure that my definition is not the same as the prof’s. And since I need to write an essay about emerging adults and public texts for this particular prof, I really DO wish I had a clearer sense of his definition.

What a frustrating activity this is!

I have already finished the 17 page application for consideration of my research project by the Ethics board… that was truly fun too, given that the form is a pdf and while you can type in it, you can’t SAVE it, so you have to do it right in one sitting - and then retype any pages your supervisor modifies (only 1 in my case, but still). 

Now I am working on the 2 draft consent forms that need to go with it - it has to be submitted this week or there is no way that I’ll get approval back in time to actually DO the research I need doing. 

The consent forms are irksome. 

There is a lot that has to go into them, even if it really does not apply to my particular research project, which many of them really don’t. 

And the hardest part of all is that according to the guidelines, it has to be written in language that scores no higher than the 9th grade reading level. 

You try writing about university level research  and not coming off sounding either as incapable of DOING university level research or condescending!!!

It wouldn’t be so bad except that I know that someday I am going to have to give this form to people I want to interview - I would rather it not be something I am embarassed by.

My first draft was at 14.8 on the Flesch-Kincaid grade level score…. now it’s down to 11.4…. but still got to find a way to dumb it down simplify it 2 more grade levels worth.  ICK!

Tis the season….  I’ve been hanging out at the Grad Cafe quite a bit lately, and am struck by how many people are still waiting to hear back from the places they’ve applied.

I feel for them all…. the people who have no information at all yet, as well as those who have heard but the responses were less than what they’d hoped… i.e. out and out rejections, or acceptances without funding, or wait list status. Any of those would just suck soooooooo bad!

At least there’s a possibility that no news is good news… but even so, that’s a lot of stress for people to have to sit with for a very long time. 

I am so very glad that I know where I’m going …. I can’t imagine trying to keep up with all of my work, write major papers, jump through hoops (Ethics application - 17 pages + appendicies of hoops - ick!) while waiting.

I have not yet heard from York University , but I expected that …. they and U of T were both incredibly slow last year as well, plus York had their strike this winter as well, which I don’t imagine helped any.  Since I am not seriously considering York now that I know that I got into my first choice, it really doesn’t much matter to me…. but if it were the other way round, it sure would! And I would still like to know whether I got in or not, of course :) 

Anyway… here’s hoping that everyone who is still waiting …either for answers or to move off waitlists and into admissions gets happy news and SOON. 

So…I am at home.

And very happy to be here too - in spite of the fact that I should be still in Peterborough so that I would be there for tomorrow morning’s TA meeting. 

We were planning to stay …. but I am sore and cranky and I just couldn’t stand the thought of hanging around the motel room all evening just to go to a one hour meeting tomorrow morning. 

I finish class at 2 on Thursdays. There is a tea that we could have gone to if I had been inclined to be at all sociable… and I suppose we would have gone out for dinner or whatever…  but I just wanted to come HOME. 

I really enjoy being a TA ….  although I DO much prefer it when my students actually SHOW UP (which far too many didn’t last night) … but the meetings ….blech.   If they had been on a day/time that I had other ~stuff~ it would not be so bad…. but they are scheduled for Fridays. So all year, I have either had to stay over Thursday nights, or drive back on Fridays.  An extra day (and $44 plus food) …or an extra 5+ hours on the road…. ick, ick, ick! 

Anyway…I found out that they hadn’t had a meeting last week, so I had not missed one…. so this week…. I’m being a bad grad student. 

So …. haven’t managed to accomplish much today …. even considering that it is Wednesday, which is a relatively busy class/teaching day…..

Motel lost its Internet completely during the few hours break I normally have, so couldn’t do any research then…. did get my powerpoint for tomorrow (re)done… but that was about it …

BUT  even so, I got to knock a significant chunk off of my workload for the rest of this semester - without doing any work at all….. that made me very happy! 

In CanLit this morning, I brought up the topic of the essay for the course…. just to confirm the date it was due and so forth… and during the course of the discussion, the required paper length dropped from 40+ pages to “20 - 25 pages”. 

Which drops my workload by about 1/4… instead of 110+ pages of essay to write over the next few weeks, I’m down to a piddly 80 or so …. still bunches, but now it feels doable. 

Got to like it when that happens! 

I can not believe how quickly this semester has flown by …. it is almost over! Still 3 big papers to write - and some other odds & ends to finish up ….

and of course, there will be marking from my TA seminars and my database courses…. but most of that will be done at home, in the comfort of my own house as opposed to here in the motel - which, although it has been cheap, and served us well for the most part - I won’t miss much. I would miss it a lot more if the Internet wasn’t so gosh darned annoying! have been here for an hour & a half and managed to drop a whopping 36 Entrecards so far Way too frustrating! 

I have 90 databases to mark, but no WAY I’m even going to attempt to download them here…. that would have me in fits, I have no doubt. 

Anyway, I have a novel to read yet tonight….AND a class to go to and we’re supposed to go out to the bar afterwards… should run through my speech (giving for 2nd practice run tonight) but my foot is asleep so haven’t gotten up to go out to the van and get it…. will do it on the way to class I guess. Or not. Have practiced it to the point that I’m bored with it now…. oh carp! Just realized that I haven’t yet checked to make sure that I did in fact get the file I needed onto my flash drive this morning… if not, I’ll need to be recreating my powerpoint yet before I go. 

I already know I forgot the other powerpoint I worked on and need for Thursday …will redo that … hoping I have this one though.  Cross your fingers!

….and it bites!

Have not made the transition yet, of course…. that will happen, most likely, this fall. But I’m already hating the thought. 

We have 2 houses - the pictures are views from my deck ….. I love living on the water. Our other place has tenants living it; there’s a 3 bedroom, a bachelor, and the store below, which is currently vacant. The biggest problem with our houses, of course, is that they are in the wrong dang city…. I need a place in Peterborough.

Will be there for a minimum of 2 years - after that, can go elsewhere to work while I do my thesis, or so I understand … although it is still funded, so ….. hmmm…. that is something else I should probably check into 

We have talked, hubby & I, about the possibility of buying rather than renting….the market is SO depressed right now that it seems that that would be the way to go …. 

There are issues with that too though, of course…. we don’t really have enough of a down payment for starters… although given that we have a lot of equity, we probably could come up with one if we really wanted to…. 

But at this point, we are pretty much focused on trying to find someplace cheap, functional (has to work for me there on my own without my ‘chauffeur‘ ) and reasonable.

It irks me that rentals come with so damn many rules though…. I don’t shive a git about noise/parties - which was the one that the person who showed us the residence apartments yesterday stressed…. we don’t DO parties, and even on the rare occasions that we have (our wedding, and New Year’s) we are very boring partiers  :) 

But they pretty much all say NO pets, NO smoking & they want a minimum 1 year lease. I want my dog, I smoke (although clearly, I need to quit), and I don’t really like the idea of paying for 4 months/year when I don’t need it, although that doesn’t matter as much this year, since I’m committed for 2. 

Oh, and I am perturbed about the need for references as well…. preferably from past landlords… I don’t have any of those - at least not any that I still have info for years later…. will tenants do? 

This is one of my favourite sunset shots (I have hundreds

Victoria Harbour is not called the home of the beautiful sunsets for nothin’)

…. totally unintentional, but I love that the camera focused on the leaves at the front of the shot. 

Yesterday, we went to look at some of the residence apartments available for grad students at Trent . We’re not sure we want to go that route - mostly because of the dog - but the dog is going to be an issue no matter where we are, if we rent rather than buy a place…. so thought it was worth a look, at least.

The grad student apartments are all brand spanking new - they just opened in January of this year, and have all new carpets, appliances, etc….  they are far nicer than I expected, actually …. lots of windows, more room than I expected, and very functional layouts. While I much prefer my home - especially given the lake out front - the res apartments would do quite well for home away from home digs. 

Really can’t afford to dither too much though …. there are only 4 1-bedroom apartments available and 2 of them are already spoken for…..  so I don’t know whether to go ahead and apply for one already and have it done…. or take my chances and keep looking to see if I can find a place where the mutt wouldn’t be as big a problem. 

Pretty much every rental ad says no pets - although the reality is that landlords are not allowed to kick tenants out for bringing one in … but as a landlord myself, I really would hate to be underhanded about it like that….  it just wouldn’t feel right. I would much rather do everything above board. It’s not that Scrooge isn’t happy enough at Diane’s - he is always thrilled to go there…. but still….I miss my dog! 

Anyway …. have sent an email off asking if we can have a look at the actual lease agreement - that seems like a reasonable place to start….  and I do have a couple of other places to call. 

been busy today.

Classes, driving, meetings - all that fun stuff. And then I got home and did most of the arrangements & ~stuff~ I needed to do re: my summer courses.

Booked flights for my sister and I to go to Victoria (June 6 - 12) for the  Digital Humanities Summer Institute . I’m registered to take Text Encoding Fundamentals and their Application….. which is probably rather more basic than I need (I have computer programming and web development, so XML ain’t exactly likely to be a challenge…but oh well)

And then I went online and did the forms re: my expenses …. couldn’t do that form until I had the flights booked….

So…. that’s all done…. just need to book rooms, but not quite ready to do that yet - need to sort out  whether we’re sharing a townhouse with the others who are going or not….  and figure out which residence I want to stay in at Trent for the other 2 weeks (there are 4 options - but none of them are in the buildings with easy bus service which is rather unfortunate for me… not that I mind walking, exactly … but when you’re inclined to FDGB at the slightest provocation, it is rather scary ….I would hate to ‘come to’ in the middle of a parking lot somewhere)

…. mostly because I haven’t missed a day yet this month, and I am trying to keep it that way.

But I am tired and sore and really don’t have that much to say! 

So….suppose I’ll have to fake it.

I thought that I would tell y’all about the grad cafe - a forum for grad students that I have been visiting this week…. but it seems to be down today so that would be bad timing, wouldn’t it?  :(   I hope it gets back up and running soon.

So ..what else…? 

Oh, my textbook showed up. The student who accidentally picked it up emailed me and he’s dropped it off at the office for me to pick up on Friday when we’re in Barrie to go to the doctor. That will make preparing the exam for Monday much easier. 

Only three weeks left of ENGL1000 ….. class I’m TAing this year….  time sure does fly!  My aviation guys go a bit longer…. to the middle of April, I think …. I should check that!  

Tomorrow is the last presentation for my own courses - then I’ll be down to just needing to write 3 short papers, a proposal for my major research paper, and 3 long essays …. a total of about 100 pages of work there….  fun times!

Just got home - well, back to the motel, anyway - after a very long day.

Started out at home ….up at 6:20, out the door at 7; taught from 8 - 11. Right near the end of the class, my textbook disappeared, which stressed me out - I need to prepare an exam for next week…. sure would be nice to have the blasted thing! 

2.5 hour drive to Peterborough, with a stop at McDs for lunch…. did my readings on the road. Finished shortly before we got here and nodded off, but nowhere near long enough to make a difference.  Had class, then a few hours off …. checked in here and sat for a bit (doing more readings for tomorrow) then off to school again. The speaker, while interesting, talked for WAY longer than my butt wanted to sit and than my attention span could tolerate.

Did pick up a bunch of areas for further exploration re: my Phd topic though…. so that made it (almost) worthwhile. Okay, well, it was worthwhile…. just tired and cranky and more than a little hungry.  Hubby, I think, is a bit perturbed that I didn’t read his mind and get off my butt early enough to allow us to eat before class ….so drove right back without stopping for any food …. not giving him the satisfaction of commenting/complaining. Fortunately I have cajun pistacheos.. on, and crackers…. KD crackers, even…. they are yummy!

When I got the official word about having been accepted into the Canadian Studies PhD program at Trent, one of the first things I did was to email the professors that had gone to the trouble of writing reference letters for me, letting them know, and thanking them again for their support.

All of them have responded with congratulations and very nice messages….  

Just now I got one from the prof at Laurentian Sudbury that said:

Congratulations!  We were having a departmental meeting when I received your good news, so I took the liberty to share with the rest of the department.  They were proud of you.

I really did not have much to do with the main campus… although I was officially registered there for my last year, I really only took one course up there…and that was in the evening, so I rarely saw anyone from the department. Of course, that one course was the key to my Phd research topic…. it is this prof that helped me to pull all of my interests and skills together in a way that has led to everything else. 

I did meet a bunch of the profs and so on when I presented my Honours Essay, and one of them served as my second reader…. and then I did win the competition for that… but really have had very little involvement with  the Sudbury people on the whole…. 

It is very nice to hear that evenso, they are still interested, and proud of me. My advisors & mentors at the local campus where I was very much involved are too …. although perhaps somewhat less surprised… as in “never any doubt“  :) 

Silly, innit? 48 years old and still smiling because people are proud of me :) 

I got my offer today …. to the Canadian Studies PhD program at Trent University.

In other words, my Back to School adventures are far from over

Next year will be focused on coursework… and the year after that is all about comprehensive exams. And after that, my thesis…. but I can teach while I work on that.

Still have another application out there - I also applied to York U in Toronto … but I am really excited about going to Trent…. it is unlikely that, even if I do get an offer from York, that I would seriously entertain it….

Trent is a much smaller university …. and I have already got a potential thesis advisor to work with - never did hear back from anyone at York’s English department.  Plus, the Phd program at York would be English, specifically, while the Trent program is multi-disciplinary …. I will be working with people from all different departments, which works for me. The other key difference is that I like Peterborough … could live there …while you could not pay me enough to live in or near Toronto. There are WAY too many people in Toronto for my liking. Peterborough is also rather too big for my liking…. but there are lots of smaller communities around it…. and the Ontabee river runs right through it - even right through the university campus. Gotta have water

Did my seminar re: Web 2.0 today …during the course of which someone mentioned the good ol’ days…. remember way back when essays were typed? 

I had profs when I did my first diploma a very long time ago, who would refuse to mark any page that had more than  2 whited-out errors. Writing the essay was easy … it was typing it without errors that gave me fits! 

So many times, I would get just about to the bottom of the darn page and DAMN! have to rip it out of the typewriter and start all over. And of course, every time I had to re-type the page, I would end up changing things - which quite often resulted in having to re-type other pages as well. ~fun~ times! 

I am the only one in my class that is old enough to have had that particular experience - including the prof. 

Yes, I am that old! 

Old enough to have taken both typing and shorthand in high school … shorthand was another thing that came up in conversation today. I wish I had kept that up, actually - it would probably come in handy.

….another day another dollar

Was thinking I’d have a bit of time after our company left to squeeze in another post before midnight… they sure did cut it close though! 

Now I have to think of something to write about…. mostly just in a silly/punchy mood, so nothing too serious. 

Didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped today… now where have you heard that before, hmmmmmmm? 

Should have finished my marking at least… still got a few essays to do, although I have read them all now… just haven’t commented on the last few.  Also need to go through the database design documents that my college course students have submitted and head off any major design flaws….   and write script for seminar that I’m giving on Tuesday. 

Toughest part of the seminar is going to be keeping it within the rather limited word allowance - there is just SO much that could be said about Web 2.0….1500 words is just nowhere near enough!

Not IN in yet…but I’m one step closer

Got an email today with an update re: my application… 

Made it past stage 1 … now it goes to a meeting with the other university that is involved in the program (it is a joint degree, awarded by Carleton & Trent) 

The doctoral program in Canadian Studies is offered jointly by the Frost Centre for Canadian Studies and Indigenous Studies at Trent University and by the School of Canadian Studies at Carleton University.

The Ph.D. program offers five fields of study: Culture, Literature, and the Arts; Environment and Heritage; Policy, Economy and Society; Identities; and Women’s Studies. The program, drawing upon the faculty of the two academic units and universities, encompasses course requirements, comprehensive examinations, and a thesis.

One of my two areas will be Culture, Literature and the Arts… the second is tougher… probably Identities…but am also interested in Environment & Heritage and Women’s Studies…