Back to School for GrownUps

I am so incredibly tired today that I am pretty near non-fuctional.

No good reason for it…. I went to bed at a decent time, woke up before my alarm went off and as far as I know had a decent night’s sleep.

But I sure do not feel at all rested.

Have had rather a lot of FDGB episodes this week though - (7 yesterday; 4 today …but who’s counting?)  - perhaps they are catching up to me

Went to class this morning, and then dropped my Ethical Research application off (glad that’s done!) …and then we came back to the motel, had lunch, and I have been trying to drop Entrecards and get some work done since. 

I have one more class to get through today - a one hour lecture, and then a couple of hours of seminar. Maybe only one, if all goes well…I suggested to my students that they all come at 7 and we are reading the play that we’re talking about this week as a group. I am really pleased with the response to my request that they negotiate what parts they want to read on our online forum - most have chosen a role, and most roles are filled, which is very cool. It should be fun! 

If only I can find some energy to manage to stay awake for it. 

Think I am going to go have a nap… I need sleep more than I need to drop my card right now, I think. 

Doing the school thing as a nontraditional student is always challenging.

When I went to college for Computer Programming, I was single parenting and constantly broke. I did it anyway. 

When I started my undergrad in English, I was also taking care  of my mother-in-law, who had Alzheimer’s. It was a lot of work…and I did it anyway.

When ma became ill and we decided to keep her at home until the end - and then she died - I still managed to keep up with my school stuff and finish the semester on time. 

During my last year of undergrad, I managed to juggle teaching a full load, plus classes both in Barrie and in Sudbury (3+ hours  North of Barrie) ….. and the driving sucked and it was hard. Still, I made it.

In November of this year, I fainted at the wheel, wrecked my car, broke one wrist and sprained the other and lost my drivers’ license …… still, I managed to finish the semester with decent grades and on time.

And then there are all the other nontraditional students I know…. people juggling families, jobs, disabilities, learning challenges, illnesses….etc.  And they keep going and make it too. 

We are a strong bunch, we nontraditional students. 

I am strong and I can keep on doing this. 

Okay …so maybe today was a very bad day and I am sorely tempted to say to hell with it and …. 

…never mind. This too shall pass…. and I WILL keep going until I’m done. Damn it!

Well… not quite nothing…I did manage to do my Entrecard drops…and some blog explosion approvals (although they keep coming in as fast as I review so it doesn’t feel like I’m accomplishing much) …. and I taught two classes today, and wrote the next - and final - essay assignment for my English class and I made dinner, packed some stuff for tomorrow, and started reading The Country Wife, which is the next play we’re studying in English1000… oh, and I found all the books and readings I need for the next 3 weeks and got them all organized…. 

but I was SUPPOSED to get my presentation prepared for later this week and I still haven’t. And I wanted to get my position papers written, and I NEED to figure out where my 7 copies of my 17 page Ethical Research proposal need to get to  and…. 

it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything because those things aren’t done…. but hey …I did get bunches done today… and it ain’t over yet (yes, I am an English student as a matter of fact ). And my done list is a LOT longer than my to-do list, right?  Right. 

Once House is over I will either get some work done - or say to heck with it and go have a soak in the tub and go to bed early and hopefully manage to be more productive tomorrow. 

Not that more traditional students do either, I realize… but the young uns tend to have rather less ~stuff~ on their plate… and they heal faster too.

I’m jealous. 

 I have known for awhile now that something ain’t quite right (even moreso than usual)…. not challenging to know when your body alerts you to something - anything - out of whack….by doing the fall down go boom thing with increasing frequency. Kind of makes it hard to ignore. Even when you try your best. 

It’s beginning to seem that whatever it is is not something that is going to shut up and go away by itself …which really, really sucks cuz did I mention I am a non-traditional student and non-traditional students do not have time for sick? 

*sigh*

One of the biggest differences between Laurentian U , where I did my undergraduate degree, and Trent , where I am now, is, I have become increasingly aware, is in their approaches to the scheduling of activities.

At Trent, I often do not find out about visiting lecturers or other such special activities until what I consider to be last minute.

At Laurentian - and at Georgian , also, where I did my Computer Programming Diploma, they gave us a lot more lead time for basically everything.

Trent is a much bigger school …. and there is a lot happening all of the time…. but still, for them to be effective as a school for non-traditional students, they really need to do a better job of giving us lead time, I think. And since overall enrollment is falling - but the numbers of non-traditional students going back to school is rising, seems like that is something they could do better.

I’m just not that available…I have a dog and a house and ….. I want to go home when my week is done. If I know that there are activities that I should stay for, I can make arrangements for the dog and so on …but when I never find out until the last minute, it is just not happening. 

When I was doing the school + kid thing, I was even less available for last minute stuff….  if I had been at Trent then, it would have been a major hassle - and a lot of stress, too. 

I am thinking that it might be worth talking to someone in the association for non-traditional students @ Trent about it…. especially if I am going to be going there for a few more years. Does your school have such an organization? Have you talked to them at all?  We do - but I haven’t heard from them even ONCE since the orientation week….  hmmmm.

This is the last of the long ones I will do this semester… and it is one that seems - given my background in computer programming and so on - that it should be one that I can do a good job of.

Have not quite decided on how to go about it though.

So far, pretty much all of our seminars have followed the ~regular~ format… basically, whoever is giving them writes a paper, and then reads it during the class.

Somehow, for the topic of Web 2.0 that just feels wrong.

We have a multimedia station in the room…computer with projector and all that fun stuff… so I’m thinking that it would be reasonable to make use of them.

Hope the prof agrees… I’ve emailed him and am waiting for a response… in the meantime just pulling together a bunch of notes using my favourite mindmapping software, Inspiration . Inspiration also has a Web 2.0 version, called Webspiration, which I have very much enjoyed working with - when I went to use it today though, I discovered that apparently their Wednesday update broked it.

Used to be that you could set the colour, shape, font, etc that you wanted on just one bubble… and then set that as default… my Set As Default button is all gone buh-bye. I detest it when things that work well for me get ~new & improved~ so that they no longer do. While I CAN find a workaround - it is cumbersome and annoying… *sigh* I think I shall pout now.

It would have been perfect for the presentation - back to the drawing board

So ….I am pretty sure - although not 100%…. that I should have a couple of handouts to read for my class tomorrow.

Can’t find them anywhere though.

I’m guessing that means that they are sitting on my kitchen table at home.

That is not at all a good place for them - especially since said kitchen table is 2.5 hours away.

Trying to find at least one of the things I need online, but my (motel) Internet is, as usual, dragging and annoying and I am not having any luck at all.

Oh well…have read the primary text…and I shall read all of the stuff I CAN get access to …. and that is going to have to do.

But it is annoying…and a good sign that I need to work just a bit harder at making sure I have what I need when I need it.

….all too often - me, at least - and it is, for some reason …I can’t imagine why… becoming one of the search terms that brings people to visit me . Go figure.

Today I have been totally frustrated - also ballistic, infuriated, irked, annoyed and LIVID ….with our bank .

They have taken 6 months to complete what should have been a simple transaction - and when they did finally move the money in question - today - they put it in the wrong account, which completely messes absolutely everything up - and cost us $500+ to boot.

Incompetent, rude, lying, no good… well…. today.com tries to be a family friendly site, so I will stop.

But hours … and a very long rant and several emails and much  msn whining …later, I am still so angry that I can’t see straight.

Which is not at all condusive to finishing the seminar about Canadian Crusoes that I need to finish. I keep trying - keep going back to it and working on it… but I am just so gosh darned FRUSTRATED that it is not going well at all.

I have to give the seminar on Wednesday morning… and it is not like I can pull it together tomorrow, either, as I have the drive plus classes and all that fun stuff….  til 9:30 or 10.

So I need to put my aggravation aside and focus. Deep breaths… now back to work.

Taking a time out from the Back to Schoolers 101 series just for today … don’t really have time & energy to give it the attention it deserves… mostly because I am not feeling well and am having a really rotten day.

I passed out while teaching this morning … I HATE it when that happens… and this time, I was soooooooooo tired afterwards that I kept losing my place, and feeling that if I stopped moving I’d fall asleep. I ended up letting them go even earlier than I’d intended because I just could not stay awake any more.

Slept all the way home and still dragging (and passing out)… AND I still have that CanLit (part 2) seminar to prepare for…. I have the materials, but need to redo it and print it out so that I can pick it up where I left off and deliver it smoothly. The seminar isn’t actually until Wednesday, but can’t leave it for tomorrow as I teach from 8 - 11 again, then we have the drive to Peterborough, then class in the afternoon, and research group (at which I am presenting my - yikes - scripted speech ) ….not likely to have much time to work on the seminar ..and not safe to leave it till after everything is done in case I still feel like this.

Anyway …enough whining! I was going to tell you about the new toys I got in the mail today. The insurance company OT person found me a keyboard - one that works very well for me. It is even smaller than either of my laptop keyboards, and the Enter and Shift keys go the right way!   It works! It works! It is rather noisy, and will probably drive Ross crazy in the motel, but it WORKS.

She also sent an upright mousie thing….THAT does not work so well, at least not yet…. I think it would…once I get used to it… but I am not likely ever to get used to it until I can figure out how to make the right-click button - or what I think should be the right-click button, anyway, work properly.  Right now it just does weird stuff like closing windows I don’t WANT closed! Will beat it into submission eventually though …. and then, I think, thatI will be able to work on the computer without nearly as much pain.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

One of the biggest differences between non-traditional students and the young ‘uns tends to be the amount of juggling we older students need to do.

I’m actually quite lucky now - when I did my first Back to School as a grown up thing, I was single-parenting 2 teenagers, 1 of whom was a goalie in hockey. Coaches get REALLY cranky if the goalie doesn’t show up! Plus, since OSAP wasn’t nearly enough to cover feeding said goalie, never mind keeping a car on the road and paying rent and all that fun stuff, I was working as well.

When I started back to school the second time, the kids were both off at school  - but hubby’s Mom, who had Alzheimer’s,  was to the point of needing full time care and supervision. We still had our store, too, so Ross was there 7 days a week from noon - 9 p.m. or so … fortunately we had home care that we could schedule around my classes, and his sister could fill in the gaps occasionally - but trying to juggle caregiving, a business and school was a bit ambitious… and of course, I taught as well.

I not only managed it - I did very well. Now that I have less ~issues~ to juggle though, it almost seems harder, not easier.  I think that when I was totally swamped and under constant pressure, I made better use of my time. Procrastinated less, for starters. Usually had my papers well in hand weeks before they were due, over studied, made use of every available minute to read….

There we go - that’s what I need to do - sign up for some volunteer work or some more courses or something, eh?

I don’t have enough to juggle!

How about the rest of you back-to-schoolers….? How goes the juggling?

It is supposed to be hard.

That is what one of my profs says in response to anyone’s complaints about …well… pretty much anything.

If it weren’t hard, then what would be the point? If grad school were easy, everyone would do it, and there would be no value to having that piece of paper that says you pulled it off.

For us older students - mature, returning, non-traditional, adult - whatever term turns your crank will do …. going back to school tends to be even harder than for the younger folk. We have to juggle a whole lot more - kids, husbands, finances, jobs, etc. etc….  and when we are all done, we will have less time in which to work and make our edumacation pay for itself.

If I keep going and get my PhD, I will be at least 50 if not older by the time I finish… so I won’t have nearly as many years left to work …but what the heck - either way, I’ll have the same number of years left to work, right? Might as well set myself up to spend those years doing something that I love - and that pays pretty darn well, too, really. At least that is the plan.

Sure hope I get into a PhD program!  That is the next step - have to get through my MA first though, I s’pose

And my chances would be quite a bit better if I actually got the apps in the mail… still waiting on my reference letters though …

They’re done - one set should be in the mail, and the other, I need to pick up at the college.

We went there today, but no one with a key was there to give them to me. Sucked - especially because as we were leaving, having given up for today, a car pulled out of a parking lot without looking and if Ross hadn’t pulled hard to the right to get out of his way, he would have totally destroyed the front passenger side of our less-than-a-month-old van! Fortunately, he did manage to avoid getting hit - but in the process we sort of ended up going up onto the top of a snowbank, where we sat, within inches of the sign he somehow managed to miss, for more than an hour.

I am SO not impressed with our insurance company. When I called to switch the insurance from the Cavelier to the new van, the guy I talked to was really intent on talking me into extras - one of which I actually took - emergency roadside assistance.

So - we pay for it, we need a tow truck to pull us off of a snowbank - simple, right?

Not!

The guy was impossible. Took more than 40 minutes of crap - policy number isn’t working, etc, etc, etc…. and eventually, after all that time, he put me back on hold and then came back and said “well, we have your policy up but it doesn’t show your vehicle so I can’t help you”

This is the ONLY vehicle that we’ve had the roadside plan FOR…. what the HECK!?

I was livid!

What the heck are we paying for?

Me, I want to call them tomorrow and demand they remove the roadside assistance plan and give us our money back; I will go back to CAA - Ross doesn’t want me to cancel it though …wants to wait until we receive the cheque for the car, which should have been here by now.  We’ll see… but either way they WILL be hearing from me.

Got there too early, so sat around for an hour reading cuz I hadn’t taken my laptop - bad plan, that!

Went to class - and during class, came up with a potential idea for my major essay in that course (Public Texts) … will have to run it by the prof sometime in the near future.

Done class - had another hour and a half to kill, which we did by stopping on a short stretch of downtown Peterborough where there just happens to be 3 used book shops within steps of each other, which I wrote about already, here.

Then we had a very nice dinner at a very nice restaurant that costs considerably more than I would typically consider reasonable - with people from school, and paid for by the MA program. It was very nice - except for the fact that about an hour afterwards I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO sick.

Had to leave the evening lecture not once but twice. Is expensive food poisoning any more fun than fast food food poisoning? Nope! Not in the least bit… and especially not when the lecture is followed by a 2.5 hour drive during which almost everything was/is closed!!! Fortunately I survived until the McDonalds that is a little more than halfway home.

Got home and starting to feel better…but not much… and the coffee I had at dinner (which was pretty darn vile iffen y’ask me - first time I have added sugar to coffee in about 7 years!) had kicked in and I could not sleep. Thought I’d write up the assignment I need to give to my students tomorrow (for their next essay) but got stymied by my stOOpid computer.

The one I use when I am at home is just a tad broken. Had it in the car with me when I had the accident - the monitor did not survive the collision. So I use it with my desktop monitor - except that tonight I knocked the plug out and when I plugged it back in I could NOT get it to switch back for well over an hour of fussing, swearing, and threatening it with the hammer.

Eventually did manage it, but now it is after 2:30 in the morning and I still haven’t touched the assignment thing and I am (obviously) still not in bed. My bad.

My Wednesday class was moved from 2 p.m. to 10 a.m. which means that I can’t possibly get there in time - I have an appointment at the fracture clinic at 9:30 a.m. We’ll head to Peterborough right after, anyway …go hang out at the motel until it’s time to go to my 6 p.m. lecture and then do my seminars at 7 & 8. We’re talking about racism in Huck Finn this week, mostly. Which reminds me, in addition to writing up the assignment sheet, I still need to go onto the class discussion boards and see who’s posted. *sigh*

Suppose I should get to that stuff so that I can get to bed at some point tonight.

Sure hope they take this icky cast off - but given the amount my wrist is still hurting, I’m not counting on it. If I DO still need a cast though, I’m hoping to talk them into giving me a new (glow in the dark) one. AND a few minutes to scrub off all the dead skin and apply copious amounts of lotion!

Only doing one night at the motel this week, so not too worried about needing to pack and all that fun stuff… but I DO want to get up early enough to have a bath or a shower here where I can do it without help instead of having to deal with it there later. Which must mean it’s time I got my actual work done and then went to bed!

… oh, and notes… where would YOU be?

I have my notes from Tuesday’s classes. And from Thursday’s. So how is it that everything that I got from my Wednesday class is all gone?

Went to class, then to the bookstore; bought the books for the class, even though I already HAD all but one of them - all wrong editions, and for this prof, it matters.

Then we went to the building that I teach in, where we ate and then went to the lecture and I did my two seminars…. hmmm…. seminars…. sign in sheets…. also missing. They must be here… somewhere…. most likely together and in a particular place that made perfect sense at the time!

School is truly a challenge for the chronically disorganized!!!

So - you haven’t told me where you would be yet! What are you waiting for?

Well, the motel is NOT working for me now… their Internet seems to have crapped out and I am SO frustrated it could spit.

Last night, they had 2 wireless signals and I kept having to change from one to the other -  tonight, only 1 of them is up and it is CRAPTASTIC.

2 hours, have managed about 10 Entrecard drops … and while I did manage to GET my email, have been unable to answer it, or make it from there to where I wanted to go. MSN is barely functional and i keep getting knocked offline altogether and I am CRANKY! Would have sent my students’ marked essays back to them tonight, but there is just NO way I can keep connected long enough to send out 20 emails all with files attached.

I wanted to do some research re: Canadian literature …. need to find some resources so that I can come up with a paper topic for that class, but no such luck … by the time I manage to get signed into JSTOR or wherever, my signal craps out and I get to start all over. It will have to wait until I get home, I guess. We were undecided about staying over tomorrow night  …i’m done class at 2 p.m. but have a meeting here at 9 a.m. Friday … but the Internet has tipped the balance. Will drive home tomorrow and back on Friday …at least I will get a few hours of Internet time …assuming hubby doesn’t decide to throw fits about me being on the computer “ALL THE TIME!!!!” Ah, the fun of it all!

I think I’m going to enjoy all my courses this semester though … a LOT of work …but all very interesting.

Do you struggle with anxiety around school issues?

I sure do …. not so much about tests, although I do tend to blow multiple choice tests consistently which is frustrating because SO many people seem to think they are SO much easier. Me, I hate them!  But it isn’t tests that freak me out, it is invariably writing papers, proposals, and so on.

I am ALWAYS convinced that I can NOT POSSIBLY DO IT and YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, THIS TIME IT  IS DIFFERENT AND…  yeah, I cry and carry on too… drives hubby crazy sometimes.

My husband, kids, friends, etc… always, always tell me the same stuff … it will be fine, you’ll do it, you always manage to pull it off, etc etc …

and I get so mad and stressed… don’t you understand? THIS TIME  IS DIFFERENT!!!!!

THIS TIME I have 2 messed up hands and everything hurts and it takes twice as long and I don’t know how I’m ever going to … blah blah blah

I am so very, very lucky that I have such a wonderful bunch of tolerant and supportive people around me…because of course, they always turn out to be right. I do get it done.

Even with 2 messed up hands, I managed to get the last of the big assignments in today - by the due date we were given.  Now just a few smaller and much less stressful things to get through tonight/tomorrow. (I’m the teacher…I get to GIVE the  marks now MUHAHAHAHA!!!)

So, judging from the comments in response to yesterday’s post, I am far from the only one that has a problem getting motivated.

And it’s clear that one of our primary motivators are due dates and deadlines - and, as melissan mentioned, some of us slackers need “need deadlines that have consequences if I don’t finish” (She didn’t call us slackers though; that’s all me).

I think that’s the difference between some o’ us and Stephanie, who mentioned setting her own deadlines in her comment. Imagine that! 

I do that … all the time… but then I don’t actually meet my self-imposed deadlines… or at least, not often enough to write home about. *sigh*

Okay … so …. OTHER than deadlines and due dates (with consequences) …what else works? Or might work?  Let’s brainstorm, shall we?

I have the house to myself for a change…and instead of actually getting work done on my essays or proposal or applications, I have been basically staring into space most of the afternoon.

I think I need a kick - something along the lines of an email from my prof saying “you need to have your essay in by such and such a time on such a such a date”.

I work better under pressure, I guess… what he actually said, when I had my car accident and wrecked my wrists, was “take as long as you need”

It is hard to get focused!  Or maybe it is that I have talked myself into a corner… I should go do some of the other little jobs (that DO have fast approaching deadlines) and then come back to it.

I used to have everything done weeks before it was due… not sure why that has changed lately :(  It is not a change for the better!

How do you deal with a lack of focus/motivation/interest in getting certain jobs done?

Do you need deadlines & due dates, or are you self motivated?

Today, I sent off my Public Texts paper…  as always, I wanted to keep working on it, fine tuning, improving, adding back in some of the points I had to take out, etc etc… they never REALLY feel done, do they?

 Or is that just me?

Anyway - I’m glad to have one less thing to worry about. Now just finishing off those grad school apps, the fiction/nonfiction and psychology papers to get back to, and the musical…. which got a fair bit of word done on it already, as a result of using the website for the public texts paper, actually, so that is a plus.

That one is easily the most fun …which is why I have been working on it in bits & pieces when the other jobs are weighing me down.

My goal was … is? … to have the fiction/non paper in before Christmas - not much time left, eh? Especially not since we are getting our new van today, and Ross is all gung ho to go DO stuff. Men and their cars!

He never really liked driving the Cavalier - he bought that for me, as it was what I needed for running to school and back …but now that he will be doing all the driving - and since he needs a van for work, it made sense to buy a van this time. It’s awfully big to be running back and forth to Peterborough with - and awfully fancy for a work van, but he’s happy :)   Happy is good.

It seems as though no matter how hard I try to focus on my homework and get it DONE, something always comes up to conspire against me.

Yesterday it was pain - a lot of it. It is really hard to think - and to type - when both hands are burning, and your entire left arm is throbbing. I hope the aches mean that it is healing…but it gets to be so painful that I just cannot string a sentence together.

Today wasn’t as bad pain wise - although the deep throbbing ache is back, although somewhat muted now that I’m home and slowly loading up on way too much Advil and probably too many coolers (only had 1 so far, and opened #2, but it feels like more for some reason - a bowl of cereal, half an order of really good french fries, and a small square of fudge not cutting it for a days intake perhaps?).

Today, I was on a roll with 1 of the 2 papers… feeling that I was making good progress and knew where I was going and … the phone rang and it was the car dealer guy and he was hanging ’round the shop hoping Ross was going to bring me by to have a look at the van he was thinking about buying…

So we went and looked at the van - and bought it, although we won’t actually buy it until the insurance company quits dithering around, makes a decent offer and cuts a cheque  - in the meantime we are quite comfortable with driving the rental car they are paying for. They are not only paying for the car, they are also, for the time being, paying us milage for every time Ross has to drive me to school - cheaper than paying me to sit on my arse at home and not go to school or to work (same place, of course).

Anyway, once he had pried me away from my computer, he decided we should go shopping for my kids’ Christmas present and then for his kid’s Christmas present and so on and so on and so on ….we got a lot done… but none of it, of course, got my paper any closer to finished.

Monday, a friend has offered to take me shopping without hubby …which would be good… but that means I need to get about 14 more pages written tomorrow.

 What d’ya think? Can it be done?

Pretty much needs to be… Monday shopping again, Tuesday Peterborough to pick up exams - need to have both the exams and the rest of my students’ essays marked by the end of the week … and then the other paper to finish, also. ACK!

Getting through college or university is not just about learning the academic ~stuff~

There is a whole lot more to it…. in part, it is about being resourceful, and proving your ability to face challenges and find solutions.

I have definitely been reminded of that this week. Continuing in my program and perservering without a licence and with the physical limitations I have right now is going to be a real trick.

But I’ve managed to get through every other time, and with hubby’s help, will get through this too. Might take a bit longer, is all.

For now, all I can do is keep plugging away at things. Got 3 more days of classes to get through, and 3 more papers, 1 exam, & the musical to finish.

I think I can, I think I can….

a little bit at a time.