Back to School for GrownUps

It seems as though no matter how hard I try to focus on my homework and get it DONE, something always comes up to conspire against me.

Yesterday it was pain - a lot of it. It is really hard to think - and to type - when both hands are burning, and your entire left arm is throbbing. I hope the aches mean that it is healing…but it gets to be so painful that I just cannot string a sentence together.

Today wasn’t as bad pain wise - although the deep throbbing ache is back, although somewhat muted now that I’m home and slowly loading up on way too much Advil and probably too many coolers (only had 1 so far, and opened #2, but it feels like more for some reason - a bowl of cereal, half an order of really good french fries, and a small square of fudge not cutting it for a days intake perhaps?).

Today, I was on a roll with 1 of the 2 papers… feeling that I was making good progress and knew where I was going and … the phone rang and it was the car dealer guy and he was hanging ’round the shop hoping Ross was going to bring me by to have a look at the van he was thinking about buying…

So we went and looked at the van - and bought it, although we won’t actually buy it until the insurance company quits dithering around, makes a decent offer and cuts a cheque  - in the meantime we are quite comfortable with driving the rental car they are paying for. They are not only paying for the car, they are also, for the time being, paying us milage for every time Ross has to drive me to school - cheaper than paying me to sit on my arse at home and not go to school or to work (same place, of course).

Anyway, once he had pried me away from my computer, he decided we should go shopping for my kids’ Christmas present and then for his kid’s Christmas present and so on and so on and so on ….we got a lot done… but none of it, of course, got my paper any closer to finished.

Monday, a friend has offered to take me shopping without hubby …which would be good… but that means I need to get about 14 more pages written tomorrow.

 What d’ya think? Can it be done?

Pretty much needs to be… Monday shopping again, Tuesday Peterborough to pick up exams - need to have both the exams and the rest of my students’ essays marked by the end of the week … and then the other paper to finish, also. ACK!

So - the drop date for courses is November 7.

I have a signed Add/Drop form in my purse.

I don’t want to drop the course - it would be Law & Moral Regulation in Neo-Liberal Society that would go (just because the work load for that one is HUGE - and it is not in the English department, and since I’m an English student…)

I like the course - it is interesting, and I can relate it to my research stuff (adolescents in group homes and residential treatment centres coming into pretty regular contact with the so called ~justice system~). And the point of front loading this semester - i.e. taking 3 electives now and only 1 next semester was/is valid: next semester I am teaching 3 classes in Barrie - which is about 40 minutes from where I live, and 2.5 hours from the University I attend. If I drop a course I will have to pick up another one next semester, which will only prolong the too-much-on-my-plate agony.

On the other hand, I have been really frustrated the last 2 weekends at home. Hubby is, on the whole, very supportive of my BTS aspirations… I would likely never have even started university courses, never mind gone so far with it, if it weren’t for him.

But now that he is not working, he’s pretty darn bored. So when I get home he wants to talk. And do stuff. And spend time together. And talk. And do stuff. And… well, you get the idea.

Between that, and phone calls, and friends dropping by and falling down going boom several times a day and…

I didn’t get much done. Not nearly as much as I needed to get done.

And I’m worried that I won’t be able to not only DO everything that needs doing in the time remaining - but also do well… I am not used to failing. I haven’t yet had the experience … and while I’m sure it would be a growth experience, it is NOT ONE I WANT! Definitely not on my transcript, also.

So - I’m tempted to drop … and mental health wise, that would probably be a logical choice. But I have not yet reached a decision. I should. But but but but!

I don’t know what to do *whine*

but I will figure it out.

I did email the L&M prof asking for feedback … part of my frustration is that I have NO FRICKEN IDEA how I’m doing in that course. Every week we write a 3 page paper. But we don’t get them back. No news is good news? Maybe? I dunno … but it freaks me out and is contributing to my stress. If she would give even one marked one back I would feel more confident about the major paper that is worth a huge chunk of the final mark. Even if she hated it - at least I would know what she is looking for.

Did submit the paper I was stressing about last night - and presented it today. No idea how I did on it.

It was so much easier in undergrad. When I was talking to Ross tonight on the phone, he said “of course you can do this; you’re a star” It’s easy to be a star in undergrad. Not the same in graduate school. Not at all.

One of the things that can make all the difference in managing the whole back to school for grown ups thing is having strong family support.

I am sick and cranky and had a miserable no-sticker-for-me day … but calling home and talking to hubby helped bunches.

My mom and my brother and sister are also supportive… and bunches of my online friends… right now, Jax is putting up with me…but Steph and Lee and Lynn and Sue and … well, a whole bunch of others… would all be just as willing. They all of them believe in me, especially when it matters, i.e. when I do not believe in me.

I am fortunate that I have a number of profs that also believe in me - mostly at my old university, rather than where I am now.. but they are only an email away.

It is all so very important, and I’m fully aware that every time I succeed, it is not just me. I couldn’t do it without them.